Suffering as esthetic and ethic among Pashtun women

Along the border of Afghanistan and Pakistan, in the Pashtun society, pain and suffering are an emic criterion of honor among women. This aesthetic ethic is expressed outwardly in statements and narratives by women in everyday life, but especially when their sons or husbands die, get ill or are the victims of accidents. On these occasions, related and non-related women are under obligation to visit the mother (or wife) and bring condolence. The woman entertains her female guests with a performed detailed narrative account of the event, in which she portrays herself as the devastated woman. Aesthetics and ethics are here combined, as the audience judges a ‘beautiful story’ by the amount of suffering the woman performer expresses having endured.Mothers must suffer over their sons in order to gain status and recognition, and a wounded or dead son presents an ideal occasion for a mother to attain this recognition by way of a narrative of the event, which acts as a vehicle through which she can publicly display her actions for the benefit of the community.The same image of the devoted, self-sacrificing woman can be observed throughout popular culture, (e.g. films, chapbook romances, songs, folk poetry), which is created and performed by men.This paper examines this ‘tragic aesthetic’ more closely, comparing one woman's personal narrative performed for visitors on the occasion of her son's shooting,² with a chapbook romance which is very popular among Pashtuns because it is considered to illustrate a woman's ideal behavior within the code of honor.³ In effect, her honor here results in her self-effacement and death. I compare women as bearers of folklore (the personal narrative) with women in folklore (the popular romance written by a male poet), and conclude by raising questions as to the identity and image of women as painted in each case.