Dialoguing with the Divided Self as the Outline of a Becoming-Woman in Music

For more than 30 years, I have been researching contemporary women's classical music and have concluded that in the current time, it is difficult to believe in the utopian world for women in music that had once been imagined in the decade of the 1990s. According to Roffe, however, in Deleuzian thought utopia is not really about hope or an ideal society, but about who we are, and what we are capable of, here and now. In this paper, through a dialogue with the divided self, or what Deleuze refers to as the ‘dividual’, I will generate some thoughts about the kinds of actions that a dividual is able to produce at different stages of her work as a musician and an activist feminist. Specifically, the paper will aim to develop a new conception of subjectivity in order to sow the seeds for new ways of thinking about women in music. It will ask two questions: who acts, and who is the subject of that action?; and, how do new ways of thinking transform real world situations? The first question leads to the theme in Deleuze and Guattari's work of ‘a people to come’ or ‘becoming-woman’, the latter a concept that disrupts the male form of subjectivity, challenging the emphasis on ‘man’ as the standard by which all beings and things are measured. The paper will map the question leads to a demonstration of how the self, conceived as a dividual, is able to make an intervention into the nature of subjectivity while at the same time gesturing towards the ways in which the practices of musicology and feminist studies might be transformed.