Preventing relapse versus “stopping” domestic violence: Do we expect too much too soon from battering men?

Given the deeply entrenched habit patterns that characterize domestic violence, the author questions the enormous demands for change that are immediately placed on both abusive men and the clinicians treating them. Battering men are not only required to abruptly and permanently halt overt physical violence, but they are also expected to stop all expressions of dominance and intimidation, and to abandon all their exploitative attitudes and sex-role expectations as well. While it is feasible and necessary to insist upon the cessation of physical violence in order to protect the spouse and family, to what degree can the clinician also demand a total revolution in the abusive male's attitudes, social behavior, and values? To better demonstrate the excessivity of these demands, the author makes a comparison to the treatment of substance abusers, where the features of relapse and enduring cognitive distortions are expected and permitted as part of the normal extended course of recovery. Instead, the author proposes a more realistic and humanitarian set of therapeutic expectations for change, emphasizing relapse prevention and supportive maintenance.