A Theoretical Understanding of Abusive Intimate Partner Relationships that Become Non-violent: Shifting the Pattern of Abusive Control

Our theoretical understanding of abusive intimate partner relationships has ignored relationships that have become non-violent. We interviewed a community convenience sample of 27 women whose relationships had become non-violent. Using the constant comparative analysis of grounded theory, we generated a substantive theory, shifting the pattern of abusive control with three sub-processes, counteracting abuse, taking control, and living differently. Women’s acquisition of personal capacity and autonomy was foundational to countering the insidious oppression of abuse. Partners in these relationships that became non-violent, paid attention, gradually backing off and ceasing violent acts. For some women, coexisting in a violence-free relationship was satisfactory; for others, investing in an improved intimate partner relationship was essential for sustaining living differently. This theory provides direction for women who are working toward living differently with partners who are no longer violent, and for their helpers. Further, our findings contribute to our theoretical understanding of how abusive couple relationships may evolve over time.